A Comprehensive Guide to Dating Robert Drake
by La Mentira
Summary: The title says it all. Past Bobby/John, rated M for non-explicit sex.


Title: A Comprehensive Guide to Dating Robert Drake  
Author: La Mentira  
Rating: R (for nonexplicit sex)  
Pairing: Bobby/John

Introduction:

So you're the new guy. Whether it was the sympathetic blue eyes or that camp-councilor-friendly smile or the way his chest shakes when he laughs, you have fallen for Bobby Drake. This is by no means a bad move on your part. With the proper preparation, a man can find immense happiness in a relationship with Bobby. For the qualified boyfriend, Bobby will provide comfort, stability, sexual satisfaction, emotional connection, and a close friend and confidant. Be warned, though: one cannot carelessly rush into this endeavor. Rash and uneducated decisions can lead to negative outcomes such as jealousy, resentment, anger, conflict manifesting in forms from small disputes to shouting matches to physical violence, depression, and heartbreak on both sides. This guide will outline the proper procedures and background knowledge needed to date Robert Drake so that you might both enjoy a long and productive romantic relationship.

Part One: Who is Robert Drake?

Robert "Bobby" Drake was born and bred in Boston, Massachusetts. He still lets the accent slip sometimes and should be teased accordingly. His family is Republican, devoutly Catholic, and disgustingly wealthy. They know he's a mutant, but he hasn't yet told them about his sexuality. It would probably be easier for him to tell them if they'd talk to him. They send him Christmas and birthday cards and things like that, but he hasn't been home since he came out as a mutant and his former roommate blew up a bunch of cops in front of his house.

He found out he was a mutant in eighth grade. Some jerk at his school was harassing a girl, trying to get her to go out with him. Bobby stood up for the girl and was about to get the bajesus beaten out of him when he put up a hand to protect himself. The next thing he knows, the kids feet are covered in ice and the girl is screaming and running the other way.

Professor Charles Xavier helped him cover up the incident and offered him a place at his Institute for Gifted Youngsters. His parents thought he was just going to some prep school. At the school, he met Scott Summers who became his advisor and role model. Following his example, Bobby became something of a mascot for Xavier's, a boy scout who followed orders and rarely broke rules. Xavier's is also where he met his roommate, best friend, and first love. We'll get to that later, though.

Since his school days, Bobby has started teaching math at Xavier's and retains a position on the X-Men team. He defends mutants from the humans that hate them for being different and defends the humans from the evil, nasty mutants who seek to destroy them.

He's a Taurus. He can make ice, lower surface and air temperature, and has recently learned how to change himself into an ice form. He has an unhealthy love for ice cream, especially chocolate. He eats like they're going to discontinue food and still has a body like an underwear model. He's great with kids and genuinely cares about people. He's good at sports and hand-to-hand combat. He can drive everything from a motorcycle to military-class jets. He's a total math nerd and has wanted to be an accountant since he was eight. Disgustingly perfect, isn't he?

Part Two: Conversation and Dating Activities

At first glance, Bobby seems to say everything that he's thinking. He's honest but gentle about it, never cruel. When you really start to pay attention, though, you start to see that a lot of his communication is done silently. He can tell you off with a glance or tell you he loves you with just a smile. It may take a while at first, but you'll gradually learn how to read his silent signals.

The most important thing to keep in mind when talking to Bobby is to be just as honest as he is with you. He's a good shoulder to lean on and actually enjoys helping people if they've got a problem. I think it makes him feel more in control. Ask him about his students. He can go on about them for ages.

If you really want to impress Bobby, don't take him to some fancy restaurant. He was raised around wealth and associates it with his asshole parents now. Some exciting activity won't do the trick either. Working with the X-Men fills his quota for exciting and active. Just a quiet meal in a little diner or a picnic somewhere secluded will do it for him.

Don't expect to get some on the first date. No, you don't have to ease him into it like a woman or anything, but he was raised with a rather strict moral code. He likes to get to know a person first.

Part Three: Sex and Romance

This is perhaps the hardest part to advise you on. Men who have slept with Bobby Drake tend to harbor extreme jealousy toward the lovers that come after them. I shall attempt to remain objective.

Bobby Drake first had sex at the age of seventeen, with his roommate in their dorm room after a Saturday night of drinking with friends in Piotr Rasputin's room. He and his partner returned to their room, only slightly drunk, around three in the morning. They had fooled around several times during their three years rooming together, but this time seemed different.

Before, their encounters had only occurred in the dark of the night as they went to sleep. They started out lying in their separate beds, pretending to be asleep while listening to the other jack off, then found themselves unable to resist touching themselves as well. After a few tense months of this ritual, Bobby's roommate finally mustered up the courage to cross the room and slip into Bobby's bed. When Bobby came in his hand, he stared at his roommate, eyes wide, bottom lip caught between his teeth. His roommate felt compelled to kiss him. They never really talked about these interactions. Not until the night they had sex.

The new girl, Rogue, had been ruthlessly flirting with Bobby. Thinking she was just joking around, he had played along and flirted back, had ignored his roommate almost the entire night. His roommate walked back to their room in silence, jealous and hurt. As soon as their door closed, he pushed Bobby against the door and crushed their lips together. They made out and ground together for a startled moment before the roommate pulled away. "I want you," he whispered. "Please, I need you." He moved Bobby's hand onto his butt and watched as Bobby's eyes went wide in shock.

Bobby had never had practical experience—that much was evident. But he went through the steps of preparing his partner and putting one of the condoms he had stashed in his drawer—just in case—like he'd read them out of a manual. He prefers topping, but is willing to trade places on occasion. He is a careful lover, unwilling or unable to hurt the person he's with in any way.

He gets nervous, especially when trying something new. Give him silent guidance by gently guiding his hands and body where it needs to be. Tell him when something feels good. Encourage him. Don't deny his compliments. He means them sincerely and is upset by shows of low self-confidence. Push his boundaries, it's good for him. And he blushes all the way down to his chest. Don't make a big fuss if he ices up the sheets a bit (but for God's sake, don't let him touch your dick if he's that nervous), he gets embarrassed enough as it is.

Bobby likes play wrestling, just horsing around a little. Usually, he likes doing it in a bed with the door locked, but snagging him into a coat closet or an empty office gets him more excited than he likes to admit. He has a soft spot for strip teases. With the whole ice thing going on, shower sex tends to end in the Emergency Room—not a fun place to be half-naked.

Cuddle with him. It doesn't always have to be about the sex. Make out a little before you fall asleep. Hold him all night. At night, his heart beat is as steady as a metronome. His breathing sounds like waves sliding up a sandy shore.

Part Four: Conflict Management

Like it or not, relationships will inevitably face conflicts. Whether you're arguing about the big things like being together openly or just about how he leaves the window open in the middle of December, the way you handle a disagreement can make or break a relationship.

You've probably been told that the best way to deal with an issue is to sit down and talk about it rationally, and with most people, that's probably a good idea. If you want to bring up a problem to Bobby, though, scream at him. Confused? Look at it this way: Bobby feels guilty about leaving his shoe untied. If you premeditate a sit-down conversation with him, he thinks this issue has been stewing in your head and you've been "putting up" with him. Commence self-flagellation.

If you snap at him as soon as something bothers you, several things occur at once. 1, you look like an asshole so he doesn't feel as bad about whatever he's doing wrong. 2, he doesn't get the impression that you've been dealing with it quietly. And 3, he'll either change whatever it is he's doing or he'll argue back and you'll hash it out right there. If this dissolves into a screaming match, make an executive decision at some point to separate for a bit and cool down.

When Bobby is the one to bring up an issue, your main goal is to minimize the issue. Either make it seem like changing your behavior will not be difficult or convince him that the problem is small enough that it doesn't have to be changed.

The middle ground, of course, is compromise. Bobby gets all sorts of boners for reasonable compromise, so that's usually your best bet. He can keep the window open during the day, but he has to close it an hour before sundown so it's not arctic in the room all night. You'll start putting your clothes in the hamper, but you don't have to keep it in the closet then. Problem solved.

Oh, and for the record, make-up sex with Bobby is just about the best thing ever.

Finally, there are a few topics which you should simply avoid with Bobby at all costs:

Religion & Politics: There goes that old saying, "Never discuss religion or politics," and there's good sense behind it! Bobby's parents were very, very conservative and religious and even though he's pretty detached from them by now, he's still pretty conflicted about all of that stuff. It's best to just steer clear until he hashes it out for himself.

Old boyfriends: Yeah, everyone's got a history, but Bobby gets pretty insecure when he starts thinking you might be comparing him to someone else. If he asks, be honest, but don't bring it up and don't make them sound good.

Scott Summers: I don't know if he'll ever get over that one.

Rogue: Guilt is Bobby's second favorite thing, right after chocolate ice cream. Talk about Rogue and he'll be sulking and feeling bad about himself for days. Weeks, even.

Johnny: Just…don't.

Part Five: Love and Commitment

If you haven't figured out that Bobby's a giant sap by now, you will pretty soon. He's big on talking about feelings especially when you don't want to talk about them. He was the one to bring up the "L" word with his first boyfriend (the roommate). This happened after Bobby started going out with Rogue and the roommate blew up some cops and took off and joined the Brotherhood.

The roommate had started missing him just a week into his training with the Big Bads, snuck off and called Bobby's cell phone from a phone booth in New York. They met at a motel in the Bronx, shouted, threw a few punches, and then had a bout of intense, angry, conflicted sex. When they were done, the roommate collapsed onto his chest, crying and confused.

"I'm sorry," Bobby said to his former roommate. "I don't know why I thought I needed her. I need you. I only need you. I love you."

Of course, this was said too late. The thing about blowing up police officers is you can't just say you're sorry and get away with it. The thing about joining the Brotherhood is you can't just waltz out once you realize it's not your best offer. They kept meeting for years after that, always in off-the-grid motels, a couple nights a month at most. Secret. No one could know.

They loved one another. They did. When they were together, it was like the whole world disappeared. But of course, that wasn't the sort of relationship that could last. Toward the end, Bobby talked about running away together. Leaving behind the X-Men and the Brotherhood, all the conflict and all of the good he'd worked so hard to achieve. That's when the boyfriend knew he had to leave.

Don't say you love him if you don't mean it, but don't wait for him to say it if you do. Be honest if you need more time to figure things out. If you love him, love him with all you've got.

What Bobby needs is someone he can have an open relationship with, someone that can meet his friends without ending up in a fire-proof holding cell. He talked about going somewhere they could get married. I'm not saying you should pop the question right out of the gate, but if you're not looking for a serious relationship, he probably isn't your guy. I see him moving in with some guy, picking out furniture and looking at paint samples. Burning dinner.

I think he'd make a good dad.

Conclusion:

I hope you take from this guide a real sense of the responsibilities that come along with dating Bobby. This task, though endlessly rewarding, is not for the faint of heart. Should you inadvertently or intentionally cause him emotional or physical distress, there are many people who care about him very deeply that will respond swiftly and drastically. Following these instructions carefully, both of you can stay together in bliss for years to come. If at any time, you feel your presence in his life has become detrimental, please have the courtesy to remove yourself from the equation. He will hurt for a short time, but in the long run, he'll be better off. If and when your relationship comes to an end, please bow out gracefully and be grateful for the time you had with him. Pass this guide onto the next man in his life so that Bobby might continue to be happy.

In closing, I congratulate you on your choice. He's quite the catch. I hope you make him happy. I hope he makes you as happy as he made me.

-St. John "Pyro" Allerdyce, ex-boyfriend


End file.
